The Venison Jerky Heist

[A conversation overheard today in the Training Room...]

Saffy: Psst... hey... everybody... come here. I've got a plan.

Mala: I'm here. What's up? Polaris... POLARIS... POLARIS!! COME HERE. SAFFY NEEDS US.

Polaris: Huh? (Yawn) Oh... ok... I'm coming...

Pilot: I'm here. I'm here. What's "a plan"? 

Saffy: OK... ok... listen up. You know how the Mummy gave us two venison jerky treats last night in our crates for bedtime?

Polaris: Hmmmm... treats... love treats

Mala: Yes... two treats. That's a 100% increase over the typical bedtime treat. I will need to find out if she intends to stay on that level of treating or if that was a one time off because we all did something super yesterday. Hmmmm. 

Pilot: Oh... the Mummy... I love the Mummy!

Saffy: No... the important thing to note here is that I SAW THE JAR. There were FAR MORE venison jerky treats in it than the Mummy gave us. 

Polaris: venison jerky... mmmmm (sigh)

Mala: Yes. I agree. Mum gives them to us on special occasions and one of those special occasions is when we go to bed each night. The man in red came yesterday and gave Mum a big box. He brought those treats for us. I watched Mum fill the treat jar through the window last night.

Saffy: Yeah... right. So I've figured it out. The treat jar is now kept in the cupboard...

Pilot: Yes... because you knocked it on the floor last week when you jumped on top of the table top Saffy. 

Mala: You need to be more careful Saffy. I have no idea what you were doing up on top of that table but you are very lucky that treat jar did not break when it fell. That would have made a BIG mess and you know per section 3.2.1 sub part b that we are not to make messes unless we really can't help it. You DO know the Dog House rules, right Saffy?

Saffy: Yeah, yeah, yeah... the jar fell because it was slippery and I had my teeth around the nobby thing on the top trying to pull it off but it was under some sort of pressure and would not release.

Mala: Saffy! You weren't attempting to STEAL from Mum were you?

Pilot: Oh I love the Mummy so much.

Polaris: treats...

Saffy: It's not "stealing". Those treats are actually ours. She just gives them out in small token samplings so that they last longer but I can smell... the man in red brought a HUGE box yesterday. I think the mummy forgot that she can significantly increase our night time treat as we have SO MANY TREATS now.

Mala: Hmmm. I don't think that is a decision we are permitted to make.

Polaris: more treats... more treats... more treats

Saffy: Exactly Polaris! You're with me on this, right? 

Polaris: mmmmm tasty venison jerky

Saffy: So, I have calculated the exact distance to launch from the top of the crates to the cupboard and with a bit more practice on my part, I'll be able to make it. What I need from you however is I need Pilot to reach up... because he's the tallest of us... and nose open the cupboard door. After he opens it, I'll get inside the cupboard and work on getting the treat jar open.

Mala: This doesn't sound right Saffy. Where in the rules does it say that we are allowed to open cupboards?

Saffy: Um... it's in that "Emergency" section. There's a loophole that in case of a declared emergency, the dogs are permitted to take the situation into their own paws in order to ensure the best outcome for their survival...

Mala: I don't remember reading that section at all Saffy. What number is it again? I think Mum would have talked us through that if that was the case and I don't think Mum has declared a state of Emergency. She said nothing about that last night during our night time talk.

Pilot: I love the Mummy. She's so nice. I love our night time talks.

Saffy: Well I think it is our due diligence to PRACTICE a state of emergency... so that like... if we actually HAD an emergency... we'd be prepared. I mean, we'd need food to survive, right? So we obviously need to PRACTICE accessing that food.

Mala: hmmm well that makes sense. We haven't practiced how we would access the food in the case of emergency.

Polaris: food... mmmm

Saffy: So are you in? If so, we execute the plan this evening when the Mummy is busy having her own dinner. Mala... I'm going to need you to serve as look out. Polaris... I need you to be UNDER the cupboard and cushion the treat jar's fall if I accidentally knock it out of the cupboard.

Polaris: treat jar... mmmm... yes!

Mala: Where should I be stationed? I accept my role to ensure no other dogs infringe on our practice session and potentially impact our chance of success.

Saffy: No Mala. Your role is to alert me if the Mummy should come to look into our room.

Pilot: I will give the Mummy cuddles! I love her so much!

Saffy: No Pilot... you are going to be working on opening the cupboard door... remember?

Pilot: Oh. Ok. THEN can I give the Mummy some cuddles? 

Saffy: LISTEN dogs! If the Mummy sees what we are up to, she's likely to remove the treat jar ALL TOGETHER! We cannot fail on this mission! You don't want to stop getting bedtime treats all together, do you??

Polaris: NO TREATS?!?! (moan)

Saffy: Right! That is what is going to happen if we fail. There will be NO TREATS from the Mummy AT ALL.

Pilot: Oh I do so love the mummy...

Mala: Based on my understanding of the rule book, the only time the Mummy would take night time treats away would be if A. we were all out (which we know is not true because the man in red came) or B. we did something so against the Dog House rules that we lost the privilege of a bedtime treat. So I'm confused over how a practice session, if it does not go as planned, would lead to no treats...

Saffy: Mala... just take my word for it. It's in section WTF3 subsection 9b.

Mala: I don't remember that section.

Saffy: No you haven't seen it yet. I got intel from the Reds. I'll tell you more about it later.

Mala: Oh... ok. Hmmm. So strange that Mum did not review the new rules section with me. She knows how important following the rules are to me. 

Saffy: I'm sure she plans on it soon. You know us reds are more "in the know" around here. 

Mala: Oh yes. The reds see all, hear all AND challenge all.

Saffy: Exactly. OK, so it's on for tonight then. Now... look normal. I hear the Mummy coming...

Elizabeth: Hey! What are you doing? Saffy... get off the top of the crates! 

Pilot: Oh the Mummy! Mummy, mummy, mummy!!! Cuddle me!

Polaris: Treats?!

Elizabeth: What's up with you guys?

Mala: (with toy in mouth) Oh we're just working on a practice plan for ensuring we can access the...

Saffy: BARK! BARK! BARK!!!

Elizabeth: Saffy... what has gotten into you. Behave yourselves. It'll be dinner time soon.

Polaris: mmmm dinner

Elizabeth: Saffy... sometimes you have such a sneaky little grin on your face. You be a good girl now, ok?

Saffy: Oh yes. I'm sweet. See how sweet I am?

Elizabeth: Good girl Saffy. Come here Pilot. Give me a snuggle.

Pilot: Oh Mummy, mummy, mummy!!! (snuggle, snuggle, snuggle)

Elizabeth: Be good dogs!

All dogs: Yes Mummy. We will Mummy.

[Introduce YOUR dog to the temptation of Venison Jerky treats! They'll love them just as much as the Dog House crew do. Just remember to keep the treat jar out of reach!]